The Price We Pay
by extremedimka
Summary: "Love Fades,Mine Has". Victor has made a threat against Lissa's life & unless Rose does what he says dire consequences will follow.But then someone attacks court & Lissa is missing. Rose & Dimitri are forced together to look for her but is that they want?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: HEY PEOPLE! LONG OVERDUE UPDATE TYPE THING...THIS IS MY NEW FANFICTION AS VOTED BY YOU! Crazy4Darcy's fanfic idea was chosen and I will give credit to you in every chapter...right. I may need some help during this Story as I am writing completely off the top of my head...I know the plot... that's it...right, onto complete and utter impromptu. Oh and I will try and give justice to the plot...if that makes sense...in other words I will make sure I don't write complete crap.

**Disclaimer: I donot own Vampire Academy or any of it's characters, they belong to Richelle Mead. I also donot own the plot, that belongs to Crazy4Darcy.**

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><p>I ripped the door to my room open and catupulted myself onto my bed.<p>

Tears were streaming down my face, ruining my carefully put on make-up.

_How could he._ I thought. _After all we have been through? _

My mind was the thing of nightmares. Fantasies of Dimitri with other women running through my mind. Images of him resenting the thought of me. Images of him theoreticlly spitting on my very body in disgust.

It made me sick.

Running to the bathroom, I heaved up everything I ever ate. I was amazed it fit in one toilet bowl. But the amazement was soon replaced with frustration and anger.

The words _"love fades, Mine has" _repeated themselves in my mind. Over and over again. Like someone had put them on repeat.

The tears started again and my nose began running.

The black whole that had been opened threatening to swallow me into it's black abyss, sending me tumbling into a world of nothingness. A world where there was no hurt, no emotions but most of all no heart-break.

But I had been to that world before and it was not a nice place. While there was no hurt what-so-ever, there was also no joy, no love and no people. That world was evil and no matter how much I wanted to curl up in a little ball underneath my bed and let the black whole consume me, I knew I couldn't. I knew that I just had to sit here and cry the living daylights out of myself, then when I was ready I would go and find Lissa, then I would cry some more.

I screamed and threw things and cussed against myself. Trying desperately to release the horrible feeling that was slowly seizing my tiny body with hopes to make me it's mindless drone.

When I had finally stopped crying, my body was a mess. My clothes were twisted and my hair somehow still had puke in it. Not to mention the fact that my throat was burning from hours upon hours of screaming and yelling franticly.

Deciding that a shower is the only thing that can at least make me feel a touch better, I strip out of all my clothes and turn the water on, waiting for it to heat up. Tears slowly leaking down my streaked face.

Stepping under the hot water was like pure bliss. It was almost like Adrian's temporary "forget-the-world-and-all-about-spirit 'helpers'". Almost.

The water, covering my sobs, making them seem like a part of my shower. But, if you were looking, you wouldn't be fooled. The look on my face was probably the biggest give away of my dejected feelings. I felt pathetic and melancholy, but most of all. Most of all I felt alone.

Climbing out of the shower, I gradually put my clothes on. Baggy sweatpants and an oversized jumper.

My mind was numb and so was my face from all the crying and suffering I had just endured. But it wasn't over yet. The mere thought of...him...sent me diving for the couch. The sobs began and soon enough they turned into violent cries and screams. My throat felt as though I was slowly swallowing tiny razors, every cut slicing deeper and deeper into my swollen oesophagus.

Somehow, in between the horrendous pain and uncontrollable crying, I feel into a deep, dreamless sleep, because when I woke up the sun was shining through a crack in my curtains.

The world was fuzzy and unfocused.

_Where am I? _

I looked around the bedroom, wondering how I became twisted in a mess of oversized clothing.

Then in a huge rush, last nights events came crashing back to me.

_"Love fades, mine has"_

I felt water forming in my tear ducts, eager to spill onto my tight face. The first tear escaped. Rolling gently at first, then rapidly as it passed my nose. The second escaped. Then the third and before I knew it my shoulders were shaking so fiercly that I wasa afraid my head might fall off.

I don't know how long I was sitting there. It felt like days. Months even. Hell, I could even have been...

_Knock Knock_

The bangs on the door startled me from my trance.

Wiping my face with my sleeve, I got up. My body aching from the lack of movement.

I looked horrible but I didn't care. All I cared about was Dimitri...Oh God.

Pushing the tears back I opened the door.

What the hell.

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><p>AN: Ok...Hopefull I played out the whole messy break up part well...well at least the aftermath. Please, please, PLEASE comment! I haven't been getting very many comments on my other fanfictions and I'm wondering if you guys have deserted me...Not sure if I'll continue writing this if there isn't enough people reading...Oh Well. I have got other fanfiction ideas in the pipeline. But I have to at least get to updating reguarly on the other ones first.  
>extremedimka<br>Comment, Favourite etc. PLEASE!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yo Brosephs (Bros and Joseph combined). Update time! Well...I wanted to ask if any of you have ever read a book series called "Paranormalcy" by Kierstin White, probably spelt that wrong but oh well. It's a good book...haven't got the 2nd book just yet. But I will!  
>extremedimka<p>

P.S._** VICTOR DASHKOV HASN'T DIED.  
><strong>_

**dISCLAIMER: I donot own Vampire Academy or it's characters, they belong to Richelle Mead. The plot also belongs to Crazy4Darcy.**

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><p>What The Hell.<p>

Standing outside my door was none other than Victor Dashkov.

He was the last person I wanted to see right now.

The hate and anger rose from the depths of my body. The resentment, the outrage almost made me punch his face off.

But I stopped myself.

Why was he here?

"Why are you here?" My voice sounded extremely pissed.

Victors face was a look of complete shock, as if he expected me to be happy to see him.

That made my temper rise another knotch. _I hate you._

"Why Rose, I just came to check on you. Can't a man do that?" He was so cheery it was sickening.

I growled.

"No. What the hell do you want old man?"

I can't believe I haven't killed him yet. I have the opportunity and a motive.

"May I come in?"

_What the fuck? _"No"

"I have a propostition Rosemarie, and if I can't come in, I can't tell you"

"I don't wanna know"

"Oh, Rosemarie. You may want to change your answer, I know that the court doesn't want another Queen to be killed"

That stopped me.

"What?" I growled through gritted teeth.

"oh, I know that it would be tragic if another Queen "accidentally" died, only a couple of months after the last one because her best friend and head guardian wouldn't let me in"

"Fine" I swing the door fully open and walk to my couch.

He follows me, standing just a few feet from myself.

"What. Do. You. Want?"

"I want you"

_What the fuck. He wants me? If he thinks he ever has a shot with me he is dreaming. _

"HELL NO!" I scream "GO AWAY YOU PYSCHO PEDOPHILE!"

His face stays composed as I yell my face off, almost as if me expected it.

"Rosemarie, I believed you are mistaken. I donot want you for my sexual pleasure, although that wouldn't be a bad proposition. But I want you to be my guardian"

Slightly embarressed I fall silent.

"And if I don't?"

"Nothing will happen to yourself. Although the fate of Queen Vasilissa may be grave".

_Damn it. You donot threaten Lissa and get away with it._

I sit and think. Lissa or my happyness?

Lissa?

My Happyness?

Lissa?

My Happyness?

Definetely Lissa.

I could never live knowing that Lissa had been injured on my account. Injured, Kidnapped...Died.

I take a deep breath.

"ok"

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><p>AN; Yeah hope you liked it and all that shit. I'm tired so I'm going to bed.

Comment.

extremedimka


	3. AN Chapter: You guys have to read this!

A/N: Ok people it has been bought to my attention that the time this fanfiction is taking place is not very clear.

Because the point has also been made about the huge space of time between Dimitri's "Love Fades Mine Has" comment and Lissa's crowning, I have decided to make up my own timeline. So here it is...

Book wise this story is set after Last Sacrifice. Dimitri never said "Love Fades Mine Has" until just recently. Victor escaped from jail and has somehow gotten into the court to speak to rose.

And if you would like to know more about the timeline or the story as a whole please, please, please PM me! I want to make sure you guys know whats going on!

Thanks for reading my fanfics so far and for putting up with my inexperience-ness.

Remember all of the plot credit goes to Crazy4Darcy.

extremedimka


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Ok guys. Change of plan. Lets pretend that Victor never was in jail. Does this make my story more confusing? Defienetly. And I'm sorry for being so annoying, but that is what happens when your me and you don't plan things. They fail. They fail epicly. And I'm sorry for that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, it belongs to Richelle Mead. I also don't own the plot that belongs to Crazy4Darcy.

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><p>Walking down the court hallways beside Victor Dashkov does not earn you any reputation points with the royals.<p>

In fact, it probably sends your reputation down the toilet.

No, not the toilet.

The sewers.

The most deepest, darkest and dirtiest parts of the sewers.

That would be where my reputation now stands, or rather rolls.

Rolls around in all the horrible septic waste that you find in a sewer.

That is what happens when you walk through any corridoor, be it at a school or a nursery, with Victor Dashkov.

We were heading to the Queens Royal Quarters. Or to me, Lissa's room.

When we reach the extravagent doors, etched in a intriquite design of angels and flowers, I stood mentally preparing myself for the task ahead.

_I hate this man._

Slowly, I reached forward, feeling Victor's beady eyes on me all the time, and opened the double doors.

There I saw Lissa sitting at her vintage desk, writing.

She looked up as I began pacing towards her.

"Rose?" She noticed Victor following close behind me.

"Hello Queen Vasilissa" The more believable the less painful it should be for Liss. I hope.

"Rose? What's going on?" Liss said as she began to stand up, fear radiated off her body, you didn't need a bond to see what was going on inside her head.

I bow.

"Queen Vasilissa, I believe that the time has come to go our sepearate ways. We have known each other all our life and I believe that leaving at this present time would be good for both of us..."

"Rose. Don't do this" She was very close to tears and it pained me to say the last line.

"I, Rosemarie Hathaway, am resigning from the place of Queen Vasilissa's head guardian. And am transferring to guard Victor Dashkov"

The look on Liss's face was pure agony, tears ran down her perfect face as she collapsed to the ground. Guardians ran to help her, guardians I knew, used to know. Guardians including Dimitri. His face was cold, as he shot me a look of complete disgust.

I turned following my new charge back down the hall to his quarters on the other side of court.

With tears threatening to flood my face.

_Lissa if only you knew._

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><p>AN: Short but important.

Remember, Victor never went to jail, he was just disgraced.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Yo guys. Update time :) I walked for ages today so sorry if it's short caz I think I'm getting a headache...hehe fun, shuld've got a bus.

Disclaimer: I donot own Vampire Academy, it belongs to Richelle Mead. I also donot own the plot, that belongs to Crazy4Darcy.

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><p>Guarding Victor Dashkov is pure hell.<p>

I mean the guy goes to bed at 4:00pm.

What the fuck?

Yeah I know he has a disease but seriously 4:00pm?

He doesn't know how to live.

I take every Saturday off and go clubbing.

I have to get some time to myself, right?

This Saturday was going to be the best ever, you see tommorrow is a holiday for some historical person or something and Victor has given me the day off.

And I do need a distraction from...Dimitri.

It seems as though I've been seeing him around court even more since we...parted ways.

Quickly I discard the thought of him from my mind as I get ready for my night on the...town? No..my night of club-hopping.

I take a shower in my very own apartment, despite the fact that I am right beside, ahem, Dimitri's room, it's really nice to finally have some of my own space.

I had my whole outfit planned out.

My dress was short and black and very tight, highlighting my curves.

It had cuts through the arms and thigh, leaving a lot to the imagination.

Did I mention the neckline? It isn't the highest of things.

My shoes were black platform heels and I had painted my nails sparkly blood red, making it look as though I had just clawed someone's face off.

I was also wearing my favourite necklace, a Rose with two guns crossed over just beneath it.

My hair was curled slightly at the ends, though not too much. Don't want to over-do it.

Finally I was ready, I had just grabbed my apartment key when I remembered the most important part of my outfit.

My silver stake.

Running back to my room I almost tripped on some clothes. Yeah, I'm not the cleanest of people.

I threw the item of clothing so it was out of my path and went to find my silver stake.

It was sitting on my dresser, wrapped in black satin. And beside that was my leg strap, black to match my dress.

Carefully I picked the stake up and secured it in the harness on my leg strap and tied it to my thigh.

Now I was ready.

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><p>AN: told you it was going to be short. If you want to see Rose's outfit, just go onto my polyvore... extremedimka(.)polyvore(.)com . just take out the brackets.

oh and thanks to Sunayna4sho for introducing me to the wonder that is polyvore. thanks.

ahhhhhh see ya :D :D :D

extremedimka


	6. Chapter 6

A/N:Hey guys. because the last chap was soooooooo short, I am here again updating on the same day...the 2 chapters that I hav submitted today are both short, so just think of them as 1 standard sized chapter :D  
>I am listening to music! I know! Weird how I'm telling you this! Well thats me for ya! It's Fall for you by Secondhand Serenade ;D! Does that kinda give you a clue 'bout the chapter? Listen to the song!<p>

*clicks fingers* STORY TIME!

Disclaimer: I donot own Vampire Academy, It belongs to Richelle Mead.I also donot own the plot, that belongs to Crazy4Darcy.

P.S. Thanks to Lena1997 for the inspiration for this chapter :D...no the idea of this chapter...so I don't own that either...DO I OWN ANYTHING AT ALL? No probably not.

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><p>The air was cold, even though the sun was out.<p>

It didn't help I am in this dress either.

Oh well, the sacrifices we make to look good.

I headed to the first club on my list. It was the smallest of all the clubs at court but probably the most crowded, perfect for meeting new people.

Stepping into the tiny room, my eardrums were blasted with the sounds of dubstep.

My sense of smell was empowered by numerous sweating bodies.

Great.

I made my way over to the bar and ordered one "Screaming Orgasm".

It was made mainly of Bailey's Irish Cream and Orange liquer, and tasted delicious.

I sat at the bar while I finished the drink, then went out to dance.

The pulsating lights and mingling bodies, made the atmosphere that much more intense.

I fit right in as I jump and grind with the bodies surrounding me. Strangely enough there all guys. Coincidence? I think not.

Having spent 2 hours at this place with no success, I grab another drink and ditch to my next stop.

As I slightly stumble to my next destination I begin to wonder how much alchohol was actually in the drinks.

Oh well.

I spent the majority of the night like that. Arriving. Drinking. Dancing. No success. Drinking. Moving on.

I went to all of the clubs at court with no luck. Sure there was the guys wanting sex.

And blood. But I sorted them out.

As I stumbled home, I wondered whether I was going to be alone all my life.

Being alone at the clubs, does that mean alone my whole life?

Does that mean I'm destined to die alone?

_Damn I hate you Dimitri. If it wasn't for you and your "feelings" I wouldn't be in this horrible situation._

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed.

I slurred that phrase until I could scream no more.

I slumped to the ground in drunken tears.

"But I love you so much" I whispered so only someone truly watching me would've heard.

"I love you more than I love myself. I love you more than life itself" My sobs were growing and if I didn't get up soon, someone would come by and see this drunken mess people call Rosemarie Hathaway. But I couldn't leave without saying one more thing...

"I hate me for loving you, Dimitri, I hate myself for falling into your trap".

Something to my left moved but I was too messed up to care.

"Is that the truth?" His voice came from the darkness.

My head moved slowly up and stared into his beautiful face, his eyes, his lips.

"Yes" I slurred. God, how sexy am I? Not.

I wiped my tears as he slowly walked closer to me. I began to get up but before I knew it he was there helping me.

That's Dimitri for you. Good Citizen #1.

"Comrade" I started, but Dimitri cut me off.

"Hush my Roza, hush"

And for the first time in months, I lay my head on Dimitri's chest and hugged him.

It felt so good hugging him again. It felt safe and secure.

It felt right.

Until he pulled away.

"Rose. What are you doing?" His voice was kind, I hadn't heard it in ages. It was like honey, sweet.

We had obviously been out here for a long time because the sun was setting and the effects of the alchohol were beginning to wear off.

"I. I. I don't want to." I didn't know why I was out clubbing honestly. Looking for someone else when I knew Dimitri was the only one for me. And if I couldn't have him, or Liss, what was the point?

"What Rose? What don't you want to do?"

"I don't. I don't want this"

"This what?" His voice was so warm, but why was he making me do this? He knew what I was talking about, he isn't an idiot.

"God Dimitri! Don't make me say it."

"Roza you have to"

"Why Dimitri! Because you want me to? Last time I heard you weren't talking to me! I don't answer to you anymore!" But I want to, I didn't add that though.

"Roza, I'm sorry. But please finish your sentence, I need you to say what you mean!" He sounded on the verge of tears, so I said it.

"I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE ANYMORE DIMITRI! OK? I DON'T WANT TO GO ON LIVING WITHOUT YOU OR LISS OR ANYONE ELSE! I DON'T WANT TO GUARD VICTOR! I HAVE NO POINT! NO PURPOSE ANYMORE! I DON'T CARE IF VICTOR DIES! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M SLIPPING AWAY DIMITRI, EVERYDAY I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO IT AND AND IT'S SCARING ME! I'M SCARED. I'M SCARED THAT IF I DO KILL MYSELF, PEOPLE WILL WANT ME AGAIN. THEN I WOULD'VE STUFFED UP MY LIFE COMPLETELY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE!OK! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?" I was full out crying by now but it was all true. I was scared, I was terrified even. And noone could help me because they all hated me.

Dimitri was shaking, he was shaking violentely. And not in a turned on way but in a oh my god I didn't know it was that bad way.

"Rose" Even his voice was trembling. I had scared him too. Well that makes two of us.

"Rose, I'm sorry, I. I didn't know. I didn't know it was this horrible. Why didn't you talk to me?"

"You wouldn't even look at me without looking disgusted" My voice was just above a whisper.

His face was full of pain as he struggled to compose himself.

"Rose" He swallowed "We need to get out of public, people will be up very soon and I don't think you want anymore rumors"

"Ok" I said as he lead me back to his room.

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><p>AN: Well it's not extremely short although it isnt the longest of things...I was listening to When your gone by Avril LAvinge while I was righting, as well as Secondhand Serenade...I'd suggest reading this chapter once, then reread it with When your gone playing in the background. That makes you cry, well it pushed tears to my eyes, they didn't spill but they were pretty close too.

Kinda scary that came out of me actually.

See ya

extremedimka


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: yO BROS. HANG ON (CAPS LOCK IS ON). There we go...ummmmmmmmm...thanks for the reviews and stuff :D. If there is any mention of outfits, you can see them on my polyvore. Link on my profile.

*clicks fingers* story time

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, that belongs to Richelle Mead. I also don't own the plot that belongs to Crazy4Darcy.

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><p>Sitting in Dimitri's room, I waited.<p>

I waited for Dimitri to emerge from the bathroom.

God knows what he was doing in there.

**Dimitri POV**

I sat on the edge of my rooms bath, in a mess.

_I could never lie to her. _I thought. _I still love her, I love her more than anything in this whole world._

But I had to know why she revoked her position of Queen Vasilissa's head guardian.

I already knew it had something to do with Victor Dashkov. That scum.

I let my head fall into my hands.

_God. What have I done? I have driven Roza to the point of suicide contemplation. I am a mess. _

After at least 2 hours I exited the bathroom and sat beside Rose on my bed.

I cleared my throat.

"Rose, I have some questions to ask you" My voice was shaky and scarce, but she still heard.

"Go on"

"Why did you resign from being Lissa's guradian? Her head guardian."

"Victor. He, he threatened me. Well he threatened Liss. He said that if I don't become his guardian, he would hurt Lissa. It was horrible, Dimitri. I had to, I couldn't let anything happen to Lissa. I just couldn't."

She was very upset and it broke my heart to see her like that.

I pulled her closer to me in a hug.

It felt so right being with my roza.

"Don't go Dimitri, not again" She whispered into my chest.

"I won't Rose, I won't" I had said it before I realised the commitment I just made. Hadn't I said I didn't love her?

_Fuck it. Rose is beautiful and I love her. I can't hurt her anymore._

My phone interrupted this magical moment.

Rose pulled away, so I could read the text. It was from Christian Ozera, the Queen's boyfriend.

_"Dimitri. It's Lissa. She's been kidnapped"_

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><p>AN: Well it's tiny and I know that. But I realised I can't eat without nutrients. And that is also the reason why it took my 3 hours to write this little chapter...

thanks for reading :)

extremedimka


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: yo people. I have a limited time...limit? Well I have to get off the computer soon.

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><p>Lissa.<p>

Gone.

My fault.

Hate.

Lissa.

Lissa.

My fault.

"Roza" Dimitri's voice broke me from my mental bullying and drew me back into the real world.

I cleared my throat.

"yes?"

"Just wanted to make sure you're alright" His voice was sincere, like he actually meant it.

Nobody means anything these days.

I closed up. I went and hid in my tiny shell and wished to not come out.

Lissa.

Gone.

My Fault.

Lissa.

Hate.

Dead?

Lissa.

Dead?

My Fault.

Gone.

"ROSE!" Dimitri yelled.

I blinked focusing on his face.

It was contorted in anger.

He hates me.

My head hung down as I stare at my shoes.

I didn't know where I was. What I was doing. Who was with me.

All I knew was Lissa.

And she was gone.

And it was my fault.

She could be dead.

And it's all my fault.

Everything is all my fault.

"Rose"

"Bond"

I was hearing fragments of a conversation between Dimitri and someone else. Another guardian?

"Help"

Immediately my head snapped back up as I pieced together the three words.

Our bond! I could find her!

I stood up too quickly and my head began spinning and my vision clouded by black.

Dimitri caught me before I fell on my face.

"Rose?" His voice was gentle again. Sincere but still a lie.

"Help" I began my voice was hoarse "I can help"

I sounded like a five year old wanting to help my mother with making cookies or something like that.

Dimitri stared hard in my eyes.

"You can" He said

"I can" I repeated.

Jeez Rose, way to sound confident and determined.

I wriggled out of Dimitri's arms, feeling filthy for touching him.

"I will" I corrected "And if anyone is going to get in my fucking way, I promise you that they will not wake up. Ever again"

The guardians smirked.

"Rose is back"

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><p>AN: Ok very very short. And you know how Rose is all anti-dimitri, well she's delusional. She thinks that everybody hates her and that all the emotions around her is a lie. Think of it like Lissa's disapperance (spelt that wrong) sent her completely off the edge, like Dimitri and her's conversation means nothing to her.

OK read then review :D

extremedimka


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: sorry for the extremely horrible updating shit. Really sorry but I'm back...4 day weekend this week :D then I'm gonna go see the hunger games :D YAY! My life has been bust (and by busy I mean 'I've been really tired and lazy and you all probably hate me and don't want to read my stories, so basically you want to go all anti-Brittany on me, and I understand completely).

Disclaimer: I donot own Vampire Academy or the plot.

Oh and BTW my name is Brittany...if you didn't figure that already :D

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><p>It had been a week.<p>

A week without any clue.

A week without any 'head-start'.

A week with essentially nothing.

Victor had left no trace of his existance.

No trace of the track he took to get out of here.

Leaving us with no fucking idea where the hell they are.

And, yes, we had tried the bond.

But the clever bastard found a way to block me from Lissa's mind.

Damn him.

I really underestimated him.

WE really underestimated him.

We as in myself, the other guardians and...Dimitri.

Dimitri.

The one man who sets my heart racing everytime his eyes meet my own.

The one man who gets me.

The one man who seems to love me no matter what.

The one man I can't seem to trust or feel safe around anymore.

And I don't know why.

One minute I'm gazing into his deep brown eyes, the next I feel like a knife has been wrenched through my heart and twisted numerous times and I have to look away feeling betrayed and disappointed.

While cold sweeps over my body, I can all but glare in his direction for somehow inflicting this on me.

And I know I can not help but feel a niggling thought at the back of my mind trying to break through my personal winter to tell me something important.

But I always dismiss it as soon as it appears telling myself I'll deal with it later.

But it doesn't appear again.

Doesn't appear all day.

Until I see Dimitri again.

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><p>:D short. But I don't care! I HAVE TO CATCH UP :D thnx read and review :D<p>

Brittany OUT!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Well hello there :D. I apologise for not updating for...well almost a year I think? well ages anyway! I just got caught up with Minecraft...Tumblr...and *whispers* TV and I actually haven't been writing at all. I promise I will update very soon but I have only 10 more minutes on the computer...and I have some shit on my fingers that makes it very very hard to type, now don't get me wrong I'm not making excuses, just telling you whats been going on. So anyone that cares still would you be able to review? I'm putting this on all my stories by the way :D 

Will be writing soon  
>Brittany :D<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Hello I have something to tell you. If my writing seems as though it is off it's because it is. I haven't read any VA lately or the golden lily. If it gets too off please tell me :D Please please please tell me! I don't mind constructive criticism...or even complete criticism...feelings aren't a strong thing in my body...unless it's anger...I'm just gonna shut up now.

P.S. I'm gonna listen to music again since it helped me in previous chapters :D

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA OR THE PLOT

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><p><em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up. <em>I will not give up.<em>_______________________________________________

I chanted in my head over and over again._______________________________  
><em>______________________________

I sat in a corner of the room, not really comprehending where the bloody hell I was. Only that people were always talking and talking and talking. They never shut up. Machines beeped and mice clicked. Status reports traveled from one mouth to the next, all while I just sat there. I promised myself I wouldn't break down again. And I haven't, it's just always good to contemplate and re-assess your situation.

"Rose"  
>My head shot up, my hair covering my face as I did so. It was one of the researchers. He was moroi, tall, thin and stark white from being inside too much.<br>"Yes?" I cleared my throat having not talked for over an hour.  
>"Dimitri requests your company" His voice didn't match his appearance, making me wonder about myself. What is mine didn't?<br>My face turned sour. _Him._  
>The lying, two faced Dhampir who just happened to be in charge of this mission to rescue Liss.<br>The lying, two faced Dhampir who just happened to completely confuse me.  
>Because even though I had no evidence of him lying to me, or even being two faced, something deep inside me told me this.<br>Actually it said this about everyone I met. Even this researcher.  
>And I don't know why this is happening.<br>"Rose?"  
>"What?" I really was getting pissed off.<br>Jumping back a little he replied "He said it was urgent"  
><em>Ugh. <em>"Fine, I'll go now." I heaved myself up from the ground, ignoring the hand the young boy offered me and pushing past him.  
>Why did he have to keep checking up on me?<p>

I walked down the long, slightly winding corridor to the "main control room" where Dimitri was situated. Slamming open the door with my super-human strength and almost breaking it off the poorly made hinges supporting it. To my surprise the room was empty. Well, Dimitri was there but it was still compltetely empty in my terms. Absoloutely no-one worth knowing was in that cold, deserted room. And this angered me. Why the fuck aren't they looking for Lissa? THEY SHOULD BE IN HERE ON THE COMPUTERS DOING RE-FUCKING-SEARCH.  
>"Dimitri" I said through clenched teeth. If I lost it now I would be thrown off the team.<br>He turned around. His smouldering good looks having almost no affect on me. Almost.  
>"Hello" The Russian accent. Ah almost forgot about that. Almost.<br>"What. Do. You. Want. You're. Wasting. Time." I really don't have much patience.  
>He just stood there. JUST FUCKING STOOD THERE LOOKING AT ME.<br>"DIMITRI WHAT THE FUCK!"  
>He walked towards me. Closer with every stride, covering the length of the room in three strides. Then he stopped. He looked at the ground. Then me. Then back at the ground. Why was he acting like a frightened teenager?<br>Almost as fast as he walked over, he wrapped his arms around my fraigle body. His embraced was crushing.  
>I struggled against him, trying to escape his death grip. When his arms finally gave in to my punching, I backed up very very fast. What gave him the right?! The right to hug me like that?! I looked at him with accusing eyes and found him staring back almost as intensely, just not with anger. With adornment.<br>"Rose" He whispered  
>"No"<br>"Roza"  
>"NO!" My screamed made the windows tremble.<br>"NO! NO! NO! YOU'RE A LIAR! A FUCKING LIAR! AND A TERRIBLE ONE AT THAT! I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU AND I NEVER FUCKING WILL"  
>Dimitri's eyes held a look of pity.<br>"Rose, listen"  
>"No, Dimitri, you listen. You listen to me just for once. I will not love you. Hear that? I WILL NOT LOVE YOU. You are a liar. YOU never loved me. It was all a scam and I fucking believed it. I FUCKING BELIEVED IT. AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU EVER!" With that I turned away and headed for the door, and just before I left I turned around.<br>"Oh, and Dimitri. Love fades, Mine has"  
>The last thing I saw was Dimitri's face crumbling. <p>

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><p>AN: Well? Just remember, ROSE IS NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD! You all know that Dimitri really truly does love her, but after that drunken night she has gotten into her head that everyone is lying...especially Dimitri. She doesn't trust **anyone.**

Again...well?

review :D please?

Brittany


	12. No it's not another chapter

A/N: Hi there.

What?

You didn't think you'd hear from me again?

Pssht guess again.

Can't get rid of me _that _easily.

How long has it been?

_Two years? _Fuck.

Well. This is awkward.

Shall I update you with my 'life'?

Yes? No?

YES.

I am no longer 12 or 13 or however old I was when I started this account.

I'm 15.

_Fuck she got OLD._

Yeah Dickhead, I aged. FUNNY THAT.

Also I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with these current stories.

A) I haven't exactly been very active in the VA fandom lately. _Don't shoot me._

B) I don't want to continue with stories I had no definite plan for. And I WAS 13. I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY THOUGHT PROCESS WAS GOING!

Sorry to disappoint.

But seriously guys. I haven't updated in _years, _did you really think I'd ever come back?


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